In brief, a LANParty is a group of people who all bring their computers together at a specific location and play computer games together on a network, and drink Mountain Dew. The first thing people (usually parents or spouses) immediately ask is: Why would you want to do that? A computer is an expensive (and heavy) piece of precision electronics, one whose performance is negatively impacted by the accidental application of Mountain Dew. But the fact is, a LANParty is the most fun you can have with your computer.

  No, really. Let's assume that you're a computer gamer and you're playing against somebody in a vicious game of (Quake III)deathmatch. You just lept off a narrow ledge behind him, ducked the inevitiable incoming rocket, and humiliated him by cutting him in two with your gauntlet.

  To celebrate your victory at a LANParty, you'd:

• savor the expression of humiliation on his face
• leap up and scream, "take it like a man, loserboy!"
• high-five your teammates
• Start yelling "Who's yo daddy?" directly in his face
• announce that he couldn't kill you if you were on life support
• Crank up the stereo really loud
• Savor the moment of greatness by kicking back in your chair and let the other gamers laugh at him.
• then begin the smack talk for the inevitable rematch

• Checking your email
• Kicking the cat
• Watching some television

  It's like the difference between going to see Michael Jordan play or watching him on TV. Sure, you can see it all happen on the screen -- but there's nothing like actually being there in person and hoping to meet him face to face.

  Another advantage of playing games at a LANParty is the LAN itself, which stands for "Local Area Network." As opposed to the Internet, which stands for "Really really big area network slowed down by people actually trying to do productive things like homework."

  When you play games on a LAN, you're usually only a few feet from the server. When you and your friends shoot a really big gun, it fires instantly, preferably while it's still pointed at the stunned face of someone who deserves it. It's intense! Whereas when you play games over the Internet using a modem, you will often have time to catch a rerun of Seinfeld between the time when you fire your weapon and the time it eventually makes its way to the intended target, who by this time has had kids and moved to Jersey.

  Anyone who can compare the two will agree that playing over the net can never compete with the adrenaline of playing on a local network.